I've just got to do it... suck it up and write about the drive back. Here goes...
I have to admit the drive back was much better than the drive down. I learned something. Florida cops have been reading the Dukes of Hazard training manual. Seriously. Of the 6 cops I saw in Florida, three of them were sitting on the right side of the road, backed up the bank almost into the trees, clocking traffic. Wow! Matter of fact, at mile 142 Roscoe P. Coletrane clocked the car that had just gone around me... pweh! As I slid into Georgia, I was met with another 3 cops. Around mile 280 a group of cars was slowly passing me in the left lane. The truck second back got really impatient and punched it. As this idiot cut me off to go around the other cars in the left lane, he caught the eye of Georgia's finest. He didn't even fight it. He saw the blues light up and he worked his way to the right. Sucked to be him. We finally arrived in Kinnesaw, GA and called it a night.
The next morning we started by eating the hotel's breakfast. Again, they've really stepped it up. We had eggs, toast, fruit, cereal and whatever else we felt like. As we drove North, we got into my favorite part of the trip... Tennessee's mountains. I was cruising through the mountains when we heard the telltale cough followed by what can only be described as high velocity effluvia resulting from some dyspepsia. As we pulled off the interstate to do some cleaning, I could swear I heard banjos. I almost confirmed it as we pulled into the gas station/fireworks store. Seriously, gas station & fireworks?! I envision a think tank team working through the topic of how to make a gas station more flammable. As we were cleaning particulate matter and fluids from the car I saw an ambulance and fire truck make it's way South on the exit ramp and back North on the entry. Long story short, when we got back on the interstate, there was a huge wreck. It appeared that several cars had rear-ended each other. That sucks. Also, it was the only cop car we saw in Tennessee. Kentucky brought about 3 cop cars and an idiot in a burgundy Tahoe. I would set cruise, he'd be next to me. I bump it up, he'd be next to me. I'd speed up to a ridiculous speed and about 2 minutes later here he comes again. There's times I wish I had a RPG. After I set the cruise at an unmentionable speed for about 10 minutes he was well behind me and my stress was again reduced.
We ran into torrential downpours somewhere near Paducah, KY. I started hearing this odd squeak from our wiper blades only to realize that the blade had started inching out of it's retainer clip. We started looking for an auto parts place and located the nearest Advance Auto Parts. I swapped the blades out for new ones and I swear it didn't rain one more drop the entire way home. That's how it goes. Regardless, $33 later, the car has new one piece blades. Slick? Yep.
The rest of the trip was unremarkable. I only came across two cops in Indiana. Both were clocking South. As we cruised into familiar territory and finally the driveway, it was sure good to be home.
Oh, here are my honorable mention drivers:
1. Black Porche dude. I'm glad your car can do 100+. I'd probably drive the same way if I had your car. Please don't freak out granny because she'll cut over too soon and almost take off my bumper.
2. Kia chick. Thanks for driving. Please learn where your cruise button is. If you don't have one, try buying a better car next time. Also, don't give me stank eye when I pass you because you have to slow for each curve in Kentucky.
Finally, let me leave you with this billboard:
Caption: Strippers. "Need We Say More". As Seen on Jerry Springer.
Sounds like a winner to me!
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